Things that make me smile

I need to write a list of things that make me smile because I'm quite sad and angry and frustrated and not in a very good place right now. And I'm on call for the rest of the night so I can't get sloppy drunk...not that that would help in the long run, but god, it would feel good now.

-my dear Tuxie cat
-summer campfires
-chubby babies
-warm autumn days
-sledding
-spring flowers
-fuzzy blankets
-shooting stars
-libraries
-fresh, hot coffee
-my wonderful family
-carving pumpkins and roasting the seeds
-finally being recognized by my boss for busting my arse
-having patients remember me when they see me outside of the hospital
-dry humor

Keith Ziegler, 1926-2008

In the early hours of 10/16/08, my Grandpa Ziegler passed away. He was nearly 82 years old and had enjoyed 58 wonderful years of marriage to his best friend and wife, Grandma Izzy [one of the strongest women I know]. Even though his later years were clouded by Alzheimer's, my Grandpa lived his life to the fullest. His sense of humor and zest for life were evident. I know he was laughing along with us as Uncle Mark asked if it was possible for the statue of Mary to hold his taxidermied muskie at the visitation [she does have the perfect outstretched arms to do it], and when Uncle Jim told the coffee mug as a telephone story. I know he was chuckling every time the priest said "our brodder Keed Zeeglar" and at the priest's initial surprise at the family's apparent irreverence [but then realized it was how Grandpa would have wanted it to be]. Grandpa loved hunting and fishing and continued to venture into the woods as long as he could, until the Parkinson's made it too difficult to trek up and down the hills of the his farm. Even then, he loved to sit in the windows and watch for the turkeys and deer, and then tell my Dad and uncles where to go hunting :)

I know he's in a better place, and that he's back to being the man I knew before the Alzheimer's and Parkinson's wreaked havoc on his body, but I can't help but be selfish and wish that he was still here. No matter how much we prepare and think we are ready to lose someone we love, we can never be prepared for the emotional fallout that follows that loss. I have to keep reminding myself that wherever this "better place" is, Grandpa is there, with a cold can of Old Style in one hand and a fishing pole in the other, looking for the best place to catch the biggest muskie...or that he's hidden away in a deer blind, and that ever-elusive monster buck is casually munching some grass right in front of him...wherever he is, he's having a good time. I'm sure of that.

the benefits of computer charting...

...well, besides the obvious cost efficiency and easy access [barring network crashes], is that I can blog for you from the OR! Just think, as I write this, a person is on the table and I can see their innards. Well, not really, as it's a laparoscopic case, but I can see their innards on a television screen :)